How to go from overwhelmed with life to in control of YOUR life
3min read
The world is a really weird place right now. I saw this meme recently and as sad as it is to admit, it is spot on!
I think it's safe to say that at some stage in the last couple of years, every single one of us had a WTF?! moment (maybe more than one) but all of us would handle that differently.
This edition of TBS will help if you're sick and tired of being overtaken by overwhelming emotions when it all gets too much and will give you practical strategies to go from overwhelmed with life to in control of YOUR life.
Do you feel like everything overwhelms you easily right now?
“I just can’t help feeling overwhelmed by it all. Each time I encounter a dramatic event, this impacts me for days… sometimes weeks.”
Then, after the weeks (or worse, maybe months) pass, the sensation of wasted time sets in, you begin to move forward and BANG another set of major disasters drops and you are right back where you were at the beginning: in what I call, the overwhelm whirlwind.
It feels like since COVID began at the beginning of 2020 and all the wild events brought in with the US elections in Nov 2020, climate change, Australia’s political scandals and now war in Europe… There has been one event after another that could throw you off and make you feel overwhelmed and unmotivated.
To be honest, if some of these major events aren’t impacting you in any way, then chances are you have not been paying attention. But is ignorance really bliss?
The truth about your overwhelmed state
The truth is, it doesn’t take major global scale events to make someone crack under the pressures of life, their surroundings, things beyond their control to feel overwhelmed.
Sometimes, it’s much closer to “home”. In everyday things like:
Kids not getting off the iPad when asked to.
Partner not doing the washing properly.
Husband not doing his fair share.
General to-do list exceeding 50 things, most of them which should have been completed yesterday.
Does this thought sound familiar?
“I just don’t know where to start anymore… My emotions are running high, I can’t think straight and now everything and everyone has veered off course.”
Now, that's BS!
B is for Behaviour(s)
Domino one knocks into the second, then another, then another… what we’re seeing here is a chain reaction.
So what unhelpful behaviour do you resort to?
Something relatively inconsequential in the big scheme of life throws you in an overwhelming loop you can’t see out of. Maybe you even shut down and just sit on the couch for 2 weeks, eating rubbish food, health routine out the window, binge watching shows?
If nothing’s going to go your way anyway, why bother? Gimme a break!
Then the overwhelming sense of dread kicks in
Followed by a plethora of questions floods into your mind:
What is going to happen?
How will this impact me?
How will this impact those close to me?
How can I fix this?
When will it stop?
Too much to do.
No idea on how to start.
No real plan to move forward.
Each moment gone, time wasted, saying to yourself that you will do something about it and fix it tomorrow.
Overwhelmed to the point of being paralysed by indecision. Followed by feeling angry at yourself for not doing what you know you should be doing and even worse, then feeling shame for not doing anything about it sooner. Classic overwhelm whirlwind.
I mean…
C'mon, that's real BS!
S is for Strategies
It’s absolutely OK to feel overwhelmed, anxiety rising, whether or not it is a global event or something such as you just have too much to do and the thought of it all freaks you out.
When you feel yourself overtaken by emotions and you’re getting overwhelmed, do this.
Try to put your finger on the why
Identify the cause: I’m getting overwhelmed because of X
Understand the root of the emotion: But why am I really affected this way?
When I coach someone 1-1, whatever they may say that they feel overwhelmed about, I always ask them to be clear as to what they’re experiencing.
Constantly go back to those questions
What am I thinking?
What am I feeling?
What is the purpose of that emotion?
Often, feeling overwhelmed is being driven from the feeling of being out of our depth, things being out of control with no end in sight.
To understand why, it is important to understand that the mind is looking at problems from 3 angles:
Duration
Path
Outcome
And when there is no clarity, stress and agitation comes along. Why do you think so much anxiety came from COVID? The 3 points above were unknown or blurry at best.
So what to do when you’re overwhelmed with life?
Follow these simple strategies:
GET PHYSICAL
Breathe but not only. Purposefully! Try "Physiological Sighs" breathing of two inhales, followed by an extended exhale.
Go for a walk, get as physical as you can.
Don’t sit still for long when feeling this way, chances are the mind will get deeper into it.
When you do sit, be purposeful with creating your plan to move forward and out of overwhelm whirlwind.
DRIVE YOUR MIND (= thinking) TO OVERCOME YOUR EMOTIONS (= feeling)
IDENTIFY the patterns of when you tend to do this -> Write down the answers to the first 3 questions above.
CHALLENGE those thoughts, be purposeful vs being passive.
REFRAME your perspective on this from a negative situation to one of opportunity.
SHIFT your thinking from “this is out of my control” to “what can I control right now?”
DEMOTE. What are the 3 things that really don’t need my focus right now?
PRIORITISE. What are the 3 priorities that require my absolute attention right now? I will always look to focus on what I can create impact on and what I can control.
RELATIVISE. Realise that in the end, if you are being overwhelmed by all the little things surrounding your life, maybe you aren’t focusing enough on the big things IN your life that YOU CAN change.
ACT PURPOSEFULLY. Start there, block out the noise and march forwards about solving the problem in front of you vs sitting in your funk.
Someone else said about this
“Remember the Stoics believed that we were always training and always supposed to be training. The idea was so that when life or future hit us with something we’d be in a position to reply like that, to recognize that everything we’d experienced and learned up until that point was preparing us for that very moment. Everything that happens to us in life —good or bad— is shaping us, informing us literally and figuratively for the future. That is, if we choose to accept the information or the lesson or the challenge.
So whatever you’re dealing with today, whatever you’ve been hit with today, you must understand: This is it. This is the moment to draw on all that training. Now is the time to use it. And understand also this: Sometime in the distant future, after you’ve survived this (and you will) you will draw on this experience also.” — The Daily Stoic
As always, I'm more than happy to help if that is something you're struggling with and want to work on. Don't forget that at any stage, you can book a FREE chat with me - no pressure, no commitment.
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