Their opinion doesn’t define you, here’s why
3min read
Christmas and New year’s just passed us by, and there were plenty of opportunities for people around us to get into our heads and live there rent free.
Any of the below sounds familiar?
A comment from Chris at the office Christmas party about you "not being as popular as Steve" got you hurting then thinking "YES, everyone's opinion does matter to me, I waste too much time focused on them."
What about when cousin June said "you are best being just a mum and not a career woman" at the family Christmas lunch which made you think "YES, maybe my family’s opinions are holding me back from taking the chance to make change."
Lastly, that New Year’s event… everyone a little boozy and chirpy left you knowing that "I allow their comments to keep hurting my feelings, time and time again."
Not a day goes by that I don’t hear from a client or potential client, that the words of others weigh heavily on their mind and impact their lives.
Family members talking people out of the life they really want to live.
Co-workers shaping career paths by the negative comments they share.
Partners sparking doubt because of endless unsupportive or unaligned opinions.
It really boils down to rude, insensitive or just factly incorrect comments distracting us in the moment, taking our eyes off the priority we were working on.
Are you heading down a different life path because of the WORDS of OTHERS?
Never achieving what could be… or even worse, being who you should be.
Now, that's BS!
B is for Behaviours
If you take comments from others to heart, it may manifest in these ways:
Stopping you from taking a chance at applying for a new job
Stopping you from dedicating time to yourself
Stopping you from sharing your thoughts
Stopping you from going all out at the things you strive for
Injecting doubt in you
Creating anxiety in your body
So why does this happen? Why do the words of others hit us in the heart so often?
At the core, we all want to be loved and be part of our community. Approval from others often gives us a sense of who we are, where we belong and builds our self-esteem. We convince ourselves that their recognition really does impact our worth and value of ourselves.
In fact, we rarely doubt ourselves to begin with. It is others’ doubts and fears that we absorb and feed from over the years.
Think of yourself as a blank white screen and someone’s about to project a movie onto it. Who’s story is this movie about? If this main character wasn’t you who cares too much about what other people think, what would he/she do next?
These opinions strike the smallest raw nerve of self-doubt and they can grow into giant insecurities and real debilitating patterns.
C'mon, that's real BS!
S is for Strategies
I want 2022 to be an incredible year for you, but you will never achieve your full potential if the words and comments of others keep pulling you back, if they keep sowing the seeds of doubt in you.
Here is what you could do to care less about others’ opinions:
Start out by
Reflecting on each situation to gain perspective right after the moment occurs. Are they really trying to hurt you? Did they really say that? Does it actually matter?
Understanding why their comments are holding weight with you. What is the story you are telling yourself about this? Does it serve a purpose?
Going forward
Be clear on who’s opinion actually matters. It’s great to make a list, so you are crystal clear who to listen to and who not to.
Begin to make boundaries with those offering you their opinions. If you really don’t want it, it’s your job to create the boundary and let them know. You also need to create the mental boundary to keep them out.
Don’t waste your time feeling the need to respond. If people continue, ignore them and don’t give them energy. Chances are, they are taking some satisfaction from making you squirm.
Turn the tables on those offering opinions. Start asking them more about why they feel the need to talk this way, how they think this serves a purpose.
Focus on
Being clear on what you are looking to achieve. Let’s get purposeful here. Be clear on your vision of success to block out the noise.
Connecting with the reason why this matters. What is the internal drive to get you past the doubters' words?
The good stuff. Find new evidence to support your narrative and your path forward vs taking note of the fears and doubts others are projecting onto you.
Live by this motto
"People have the right to their opinions and you have the right to ignore it."
new year’s here… time to block out the noise. Take that chance, make that move.
Someone else said about this
"Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me."
Smart kids all over the planet
If you want to make this year your best year yet, you will need to define what actually matters. I can help with a strategic and purposeful approach that is proven to work.
Get in touch, let's chat.
Love it, discuss it, share it #thatsbs
