Embracing the Hero Within: Conquering Self-Doubt
11min
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What do you think holds a staggering amount of people back from the life they wish to lead?
Is it motivation?
Sometimes.
Is it skill?
Can be.
But the one that I see time and time again is self-doubt.
That little voice is people's minds that comes back to fool them into thinking they're not good enough and they have no hope.
Self-doubt or self-permission not to start?
A study titled "Self-Doubt: A Multidimensional Examination of Its Antecedents and Consequences." conducted by researchers at the University of California, found that over 85% of people experience self-doubt at some point in their lives.
Ultimately meaning that every day people just like you and me have doubt. And you know what else?
The biggest success stories in the world aren't granted to the ones who had the skills all the way along, the success stories were created for those same individuals from having belief in themselves that they were good enough. That they belonged and that whatever they didn’t possess now, could be achieved with focus, determination and improved behaviours.
Did you know that:
Walt Disney was fired from his job at a newspaper because he was told he "lacked imagination and had no good ideas".
J.K. Rowling was rejected by 12 different publishers before her Harry Potter book was finally accepted.
Michael Jordan was cut from his High School Basketball team.
Stephen King was rejected by 30 different publishers before his first book, Carrie, was finally accepted.
The Beatles were rejected by Decca Records, who told them they "wouldn't make it".
Oprah Winfrey was fired from her first job as a news anchor because she was "too emotional".
Even Elon Musk has failed at times. His companies, SpaceX and Tesla, have both faced significant challenges and setbacks, both nearly bankrupt and many detractors calling each venture a waste of time and money.
But you know what they all did, they didn’t allow doubt and outside noise to hold them back!
Where does self-doubt begin?
Self-doubt often starts small and insignificant.
It can grow due to a variety of reasons, such as negative experiences, comparisons with others, unrealistic expectations and lack of confidence.
Self-doubt can be driven by others in our life and comes from being in toxic relationships.
That’s right, the people that we think are there for us to build us up, are indeed capable of fueling self-doubt.
It’s important to understand that stories left unaddressed continue to grow in the depths of our mind. Something originally harmless can begin to change. What was once innocent begins to shift.
It’s like an egg, outside it looks harmless, plain and nondescript but on the inside… it’s building up into something completely different. Self-doubt is taking form.
Past events shape our reality
Just like the tiny lizard that came from the egg turning into the dragon, self-doubt can be equally as small to begin with.
It’s rarely one and only one event where doubts come from. I find working with people through my life coaching programs that it’s an accumulation of different events, being mixed with emotions, words and feelings.
Follow this thread.
A parent is having a bad day and makes an off-the-cuff remark of "wow, that was stupid!" as you drop something on the floor when you were a young child.
That day you go to school and do poorly on a test.
Someone talks negatively to you “hey dumbo, you’re a bit of a failure, aren’t you?”
Walking home, you trip and step in dog poo. All the emotions, all the feelings…
“I suck, I’m no good, hopeless.”
Then over the next 12 months, a few other instances play out, the one comment growing, taking hold… an internal narrative is formed.
And, the problem is, you don't do much to combat it.
The disbelief in you grows… the voices from the past get louder and larger in your perceived reality.
It tells you that you're not good enough, that you'll never succeed, that you're a failure. It's a voice that's easy to ignore at first, but it can grow louder and louder if you don't pay attention to it.
Past events don’t have to shape our reality
You can choose to ignore it, or you can choose to fight it.
When self-doubt starts to whisper in your ear, you can tell it to be quiet. You can remind yourself of your strengths, of your accomplishments, and of your potential.
You can choose to believe in yourself, even when self-doubt tries to tell you otherwise.
You can also choose to accept that maybe that time you were a little foolish, you did make mistakes and that it’s ok because everyone does.
You're not diminishing the feel.
You’re not ignoring your story.
You just aren't going to carry it further into the future.
S is for Strategies
Heroes aren’t born, they’re created
As with anything in your lives, you have the opportunity to take charge, you have agency.
Vanquish the thinking to set your mind free.
5 achievable actions to vanquish self-doubt
Identify the source of your self-doubt
Take the time to pause and reflect about what’s driving this self-doubt. Are there triggers from the outside or does it really begin inside?
Challenge your negative thoughts
When you have self-doubting thoughts, ask yourself is this thought a fact, or is it fiction? I would bet you 99% of the time it’s fictitious. Don’t forget it’s important to own negative experiences in your life, this is part of you.
Focus on your strengths
Dial up your strengths, supercharge them, focus on what makes you great and what you have right now.
A life coaching client this week said to me I’m going to make sure I “embrace what I have, not focus on what I don’t”. What a powerful perspective to have!
Set realistic goals
You want to stretch yourself and I believe in doing hard things but if self-doubt often holds you back, set realistic goals and the next steps. You are in this for the long haul! Every tiny little step forward, every little experience that moves you closer to your future self is what you want.
Surround yourself with positive people
Ask yourself, is your tribe building you up or contributing to you pulling yourself down.
If they are the latter, well there is one thing left to do. Find a better circle of friends! Yes, that’s harsh but life is way too short to be stuck in any kind of toxic setup.
Time to kick self-doubt
I really believe that everyone has the capacity to be the hero in their own life.
That everyone can make progress, even if they are doubting themselves.
Remember, self-doubt is a common human experience. North of 80% of people experience this. Not a week goes by where I don’t personally doubt myself.
But self-doubt is not a sign of weakness or failure.
It’s a sign, for me, to lean into where the doubt is coming from and do something about it.
With effort and persistence, you can overcome self-doubt.
With discipline and focus you can achieve your aspirations in life.
Be the best version of you, be that version today onwards.
Can I really get great results and make a difference in your life?
Read over 40 client reviews who would attest to that and make up your own mind.
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