Understanding Human Behaviour - 6 Lessons Learned From 4 Years of Life Coaching
Have you ever wondered about what makes an extraordinary resilient human spirit?
What about the power of action to transform thoughts and feelings, and the remarkable capacity for change that lies within each of us?
After 4 years as an accredited life coach and leadership coach, I've witnessed firsthand the incredible potential that lies dormant within every individual. I've seen my clients overcome seemingly insurmountable challenges, break free from self-limiting beliefs, and achieve remarkable personal growth.
Yes, I’ve cracked the code! Stay with me as I share with you 6 life-altering lessons I've learned about human behaviour, drawn from my experiences as a life coach and my previous two decades in leadership roles.
These lessons offer a glimpse into the fascinating complexities of the human mind and the transformative power of self-belief and purposeful action. Here they are:
The power of a positive narrative.
Action is a catalyst for evolution. Create priorities.
Embracing the capacity for change.
Everyone needs support.
People, sadly, will find excuses if they really want to.
The problem is probably not as big and bad as it seems. Perspective can be a game changer.
Lesson 1: The power of a positive narrative.
People are incredibly resilient, when the story they tell themselves is strong, positive and truthful.
The other side of the coin: when the story is not positive or strong, this can hold people back from leading a fulfilling life. Because when the tough times arrive, giving up usually follows because the words “QUIT if you can’t succeed” ring loud.
The story we have running through our minds is one, if not the most important when it comes to overcoming challenges and achieving success. That’s not to say that people who are successful don’t have fear or doubt at times about the outcome.
But what seems to set them apart is they don’t buy into the fear or doubt, they don’t expend energy on worry, they don’t allow that emotion to run them for very long. So, they double down on taking purposeful action aligned with their goals.
If this is you: over 3 days, journal for 30 mins per day in as much detail as you can the times when you have overcome difficult circumstances and doubt. Take note of all the positive words you use, circle them in blue pen and use these words to help your resiliency when doubt or fears creep in.
The truth matters, overcoming your fears will take hold in such a powerful way when you have evidence. Thinking you have, when you have not… well you can guess what happens, it doesn’t work. So don’t ignore your reality forever.
Lesson 2: Action is a catalyst for evolution. Create priorities.
Taking action is a remedy for shifting your thoughts and feelings.
I don’t have the tools.
I don’t have the talent.
I don’t have a clear vision.
I don’t have… belief in myself.
That last point is the one I hear above all others as to what is creating challenges in life for my clients.
However it’s incredible how people can change those thoughts when they start to take action and build powerful and positive habits. Achievement each day which was born from your purposeful intentions builds the evidence about your capability, achieving each day changes your view of you.
Tip for you: setting your priorities for the following day each night before you go to bed, can be a game changer for action. Being crystal clear on what you want to achieve in the first few hours of the new day ensures you aren’t expending energy spinning your wheels.
Lesson 3: Embracing the Capacity for Change
People are capable of marvellous achievements when they open their minds to it.
“People don’t change” a potential client once said. “What kind of change could you possibly achieve for me?”
See how people change when they get the help they need through my clients’ stories.
Actually, leopards can change their spots, I’ve seen it time and time again. Sometimes people can quickly move past their lack of confidence in themselves, they realise the view they have is so far from reality that one day they wake up and it’s like magic, a shift has occurred. Sometimes people need to spend time connecting with their powerful reason “why” their change matters and then BANG.
Tip for you: try to understand what the biggest roadblock is to overcome when it comes to you making change.
Is it your:
Mindset?
Behaviours and habits?
Lack of alignment?
Confusion of priorities? or
Environment?
Or your lack of a reason WHY?
Lesson 4: Everyone needs support.
It’s ok to say I need more juice to achieve the outcome I want.
People often want to go it alone. It might be because they fear ridicule or are ashamed of their past and current results. Sometimes people believe they can get the job done, even though they never have before.
What I have seen is that it's important to have a strong support system around you to have a wonderful life. And sometimes that support system needs to be an expert in the field you are wanting to make a change in. Therapists, coaches, dieticians, trainers, financial advisers all can be part of a strong support ecosystem.
Hot tip: yes, your families and friends can be amazing but they can have an emotional connection to your lives and how they feel you should be living. Which means at times, they aren’t the best to help make change, they cannot see the big picture. Be very clear who should be in your circle of influence.
Lesson 5: People sadly will find excuses, if they really want to.
Something has come up, a friend distracted me, I’ve been sick, it’s been really busy. Yes, all could be valid reasons but often they just aren’t. They are convenient reasons to do nothing and doing nothing only leads to a lower view of self and low view of yourself is a path to nowhere fast.
[read this paragraph again]
As a coach, this is difficult and frustrating to see, because at some stage the excuses stop but precious time has been wasted.
Hot tip: write your excuse list out over the next 2 weeks, every single excuse that comes to mind, write it down. Then ask, is this fact or is this fiction?
Then, ask when this excuse comes up again, what do I do to make progress past the excuse? Focus on the first 60 seconds of what you need to do, break it down!
When you do take that small step, put a BIG RED line through that excuse and write “never again”!
Lesson 6: The problem is probably not as big and bad as it seems. Perspective can be a game changer.
Ever think that your problem is the biggest one ever?
Ever think that you are the first one to ever feel a problem such as this?
Logically, we know this is not the case, but our human experience is that logic disappears when the emotions rise.
Early on in conversations with new clients, I find it helps when I let them know that not having:
clear direction or north star
healthy habits
great mindset
positive self-talk or confidence
… are all common and all things we can work on. It lets them know they are not alone. It enables the start of a perspective shift, which can be remarkable.
Hot tip: find another perspective. Anxiety is often coming from a place that we are viewing ourselves in a story, we are making the situation entirely about us. Ask yourself “Am I seeing the big picture here?”.
Understanding human behaviour is one thing, what’s next?
Have hope that you can create the life you want, because you can’t forever blame everything around you for failure or slow progress.
Your change will come from one day of beginning.
By taking one small action, that action symbolises that from this day forward you are a force in your own life.
A force that won’t be stopped. I believe in you… why?
Because I have seen it time and time again in people who don’t give up, they don’t let the failure stick and they show up with lessons learnt each time.
May 2024 be the most impactful year yet. Make it so!
Is it time to create the best version of you?
Let me help, browse my life and mindset coaching programs and book a free call to get started.
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